north 7th

Where it all begins…my thoughts….my pain…my dreams…


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I miss my Mommy and wish she’d lived longer. I also recognize many of her decisions were responsible for some of the worst life experiences I have ever had…

Mommy and Daddy both were junkies, and I loved them. Junkies, that may seem harsh for some particularly with me following up it with love.

They were my Mommy and Daddy first, junkies second and most of the time. I don’t remember a time when either of them were clean. I don’t remember a time when either of them had any sort of employment. But hustle, hell yeah. Their full-time job was getting high, with no days off and plenty overtime.

Nobody could flip $5 into a meal for 7 like my Mommy could, now whether or not that meal was well balanced or good for us is entirely a different story. Shoot on the times where she couldn’t make it stretch it was “pen and paper” time.

“Pen and Paper” time was where my Mommy would write a note in flawless penmanship to one of our neighbors asking to hold a little something. My older brothers were usually off doing their own thing, which left me to be the delivery guy.

These notes were usually written to the Moms of one of my friends. Do you have ever any idea how embarrassing it was for me to have to knock on one of my friends door with a note for their Moms asking for “a lil something till my stamps come in”, when the truth is (and the truth the Moms knew) was that she (my Mommy) sold them so she and my Daddy could get high?!? FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

People who know me, often say I am calm (most of the time), cool under pressure, relentless and passionate….I HAD NO CHOICE!!!!!! Those are traits honed in the fire of the poor choices of my parents, love of my sisters and will to survive….I love my Mommy though…


Author: BIG EL

Its your boy Elgin, Black Man, Follower of Jesus, Father, Brother, Activist, Blogger, Radio host......

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